Work is becoming more and more tedious if not for the fact that cash fuels my chronic desire of new things then I wouldn't bother with it, Id live in a tent and catch my own food but such is the way of Shaun. A dinner table conversation with my father or a debate rather this evening made me remember that this job DEFINITELY isn't forever. We saw a story about a girl who committed suicide on the news according to the report she was over stressed from her call centre job at telstra. Dad's immediate response was silly woman why didn't she quit. Well duh I don't know anyone who would find changing jobs easy, people just don't enjoy quitting! This is one of the reasons Ill never ever ever settle with something I don't enjoy considering most people spend 5 of the 7 days of the week at their workplace and I refuse to spend those days somewhere depressing, boring, goalless and simple. Saying this its probably the reason I still am worried about where I'm heading like I spoke about last night. Being almost 20 and not earning money like alot of the people my age is a scary scary scary thing. Not only that but you feel your letting those around you down. I can vouch for this 110% I know that I would prefer to have more money to spend on my girlfriend but reality is ATM I'm a schmuck, and the most worrying part is that I don't know if I will ever be able to support her and a family in the future.
Thinking big and living small is something Ive made a fine art of, As a friend told me once I'm an obsessive escapist for those who don't know what that entails heres the dictionary definition of escapism
es·cap·ism
[i-skey-piz-uhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun the avoidance of reality by absorption of the mind in entertainment or in an imaginative situation, activity, etc.I used to have the impression it was because I wasn't happy with my life and its true there are aspects I would like to change but my life is far from bad ! I have an awesome girlfriend and friends, all most so many that I find it hard to give all of them my time. I have a great home and any material possession I guy could want. So maybe its more the fact that I'm so very afraid of the future that makes it easy for me to get so caught up in fantasies where I can remind myself constantly that it isn't real.
I would really really really love to have the money for a holiday! A LONG ONE :P I just want to get away for a large period that I cant see the end of so I can forget for a while that when I get back its on with the process of collaborating my future. Having someone to do this with is also an issue :P
Well this blog has turned into a rant in which I get thoughts/feelings off my chest and I cant say I mind it all that much so I think I might continue :P.
Kylie ( My girlfriend ) was chatting with me on msn earlier and asked me why in the world I would write this blog, and its definitely become clear since that is mainly for me as a sort of diary that others are welcome to read. And so far I'm still enjoying it so there will be many a blog to come. I'm sure after a while alot of my blogs will have the same thing written more then once. Luckily for me not too many people will actually read far enough through my blogs to pick up :P that is if anyone actually reads these.
I envy Kylie, I envy the way she works so hard to be incredibly self sufficient. This girl saves money like you would not believe. She's so organised and really with out her Id probably be in a huge mess right now. She keeps my life tidy so to speak I don't keep a journal of dates/events because its her ! I wouldn't have it any other way hahaha
So this blog draws to an end Ive run out of things to talk about at present but you never know I might be back with a late night blog in a couple hours. If not Ill blog tomorrow eve for those that read this blog right the way through I hope you don't want the # number of minutes of your life back because I cant offer it heehe.
Thanks for the support !
Be safe !
3 comments:
brutal brutal honesty time. and only because we are hell good friends.
"a holiday! A LONG ONE... that I cant see the end of so I can forget for a while that when I get back its on with the process of collaborating my future." = escapism.
stop playing WoW (which i think you already have), get back into some sort of study. I find that study gives you security, in that it is a structured environment that you can sort of yield to and be ok in the end. sort of being spoon fed a job. sure it takes hard work but im guessing its worth it.
and at the same time, its not all about money hey. aim for something thats gonna give you longterm happiness/fulfilment.
also this is just my advice, and i dont mind if you completely dismiss it cos i could totally be wrong. i do in fact lack wisdom. sorry if this suggested me thinking otherwise.
btw. that was a good read :D
oh and another thing, i really respect the honesty of your blogs so far dude.
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